சனி, 13 ஜூலை, 2013


When I wanted to give a write up in this topic, I searched on the internet to find out what is the exact meaning for this idiom which is used by people when a marriage is fixed.  This is a commonly used idiom in English Language.  The different Dictionaries give the following meanings.
1.   Marriage which is likely to be happy and successful because the two people are very well suited or because the two people are very compatible with each other.

2.     A happy or harmonious marriage or partnership.

3.     A perfect combination of two people 

4.     You cannot foretell who will marry whom. Two people may love each other very much but may end up not marrying each other, and two people who do not even know each other may marry each other in the end.

Do you believe marriages are made in heaven, as per the meanings given in the Dictionaries?  I mean the first three.  If so, then all marriages should end in happy climax as in Tamil/Indian movies.  Marriage counselors will have to sit idle; police stations will not be lodged with complaints of ill treatments and courts with cases filing for divorce.  So, it is my personal opinion that, if the above meanings are taken into account then the fourth one is the most appropriate and applicable practically.   I have three experiences to narrate and share with.  

A year back, I attended a marriage.  After the auspicious knot tying ceremony, all friends came to the podium to greet the boy and girl.  One of the girl’s friends, a male friend shook her hand and asked her to join him for a hang out.  

She said, “Yes, I am ready, let us go’ and started removing the garlands.  The boy’s father who was in the dais noticed it and tried to be a savior.  He asked her to complete the rest of the ceremonies before spending time with her friend.  But the girl wanted to go with her friend.  So, the father of the boy wanted to make it clear with a frank question to her. 

“Who is the boy?  Friend or boy friend” he asked. 

The girl immediately answered, “My boy friend and we were dating.   I am going with my friend” 
 The bewildered father of the boy made up his mind and said,  “Well you may go with your friend.  But before that there are some more ceremonies to be completed.”

She said, “No we have to go now”.  He was shocked to hear those words and asked her,

“Well, it is alright.  It is past.  But now answer my question.  My son has tied the knot.  Whether you want to live with my son or go with that boy”

She was cool.  “I want to go with him.” 

The boy’s father was very upset but very practical and settled the matter there itself and allowed the girl to depart his son.  It took time for the poor guy to come out of the grief.

Yes, marriages are made in heaven, as we do not know who will marry whom in the last minute. Is it the life style of the society?

Another incident that took place in a family is still worse.  The boy got engaged to a girl.  The engagement function was very grandly celebrated in a marriage hall with lot of invitees.  But the situation was slightly dubious to me as the girl’s parents or her siblings were not present.   The reasons told were not convincing.   But the boy’s parents proceeded with the function.  I still do not know why the boy’s parents did not get any doubt regarding this.   These people liked the girl very much and said she was very good to them.  After some days of engagement the boy’s parents came to know about the girl’s activities through various sources which they initially ignored as gossips. However, finally they were forced to take it into account as they heard that the girl was going to see a child and had a conversation with a man frequently.  In the mean time the girl had asked the boy whether he was prepared to adopt a child.  The boy was also magnanimous to adopt but the girl said that they would adopt a particular child whom she would select.  The boy told this to his parents and they immediately contacted the girl.

“We heard the news and we would like to know what is going on.  We, in fact, asked you whether you had any affair before marriage and we were magnanimous too.  So, now we are totally confused about the latest developments”

“Yes, you asked me whether I had any affair but you never questioned me whether I shared the bed with any man”

Boy’s parents were shocked and readers can guess the climax.  Yes, the engagement got broken.  The girl’s parents and other family members were indifferent and finally the money and materials that got exchanged during the engagement were settled with the help of a lawyer.   Still the boy has not come out of the shock.

The above said two marriages were proposed and arranged after scrutinizing the horoscopes of both boy and girl by people and astrologers without analyzing thoroughly the mind and heart of the girl.  And GOD disposed it and wrote HIS own will.  Both girls might have chosen their life as they wished.  What about those boys?  No updates yet.

What do you say?  Marriages are made in heaven or by the changed life style of the society?                                                                   
Now, let me narrate my third experience, a unique one, a unique bond of love and love that cannot be compared.   It was during my college days, I had a male friend and a female friend.  The female friend was very close to me and can say I know her in and out.  Till now we are maintaining our friendship as it was in the college.  I knew that my male friend loved my female friend like anything and my female friend also had an inclination which she never expressed to him or to me.  But, I could study her mind and eyes.
They used to meet and converse but never crossed the limits even in conversations, never conversed on personal matters much. The society, the generation of that period and the college atmosphere laid lot of barriers and rules for boys and girls in those years and not like present generation, society or the colleges. But, still they loved each other unconditionally.  
  Already he had professed his love and liking for her in person during a couple of their meetings in the college.   My friend expressed it to me relishing the moment. 

 “I knew very well that my man loved me and was about to tell that he wanted to join hands with me and live.  That is why that pause after that ‘and’.  But pat came a reply from my mouth…”
“Let us be good friends.”

“My man’s face expressed a feeling like a pinned balloon and said “Oh, I see”.

“I did not have the guts to look up at my man’s face because I loved my man very much but could not express it.  So, was with tears that I wanted to hide”

He wrote letters expressing his love for her and she also replied to his letters with lot of love but, did not express it directly and ended it saying, “let us be good friends”.   I was shocked and surprised.  She said she could not open it to her parents at that moment as they were having lot of financial struggle, hysterical mother who was torturing her and due to societal barriers like caste, had to wait for a right moment of getting a decent job to express it to her parents and to him.  She lost the contact with my male friend after sometime as he did not reply her letter. 

May be, he might have got upset or got stranded how to proceed as she did not accept his love openly.

But my friend was dwelling in love for him.  She too could not write to him as the person who helped her to receive the letters from her man and handed over to her got a job and left her place.  The right moment and luck never turned as she expected.  The life had its own twists and turns.  Without her personal wish she had to enter wedlock on compulsion.  Immediately after the marriage, the moment that she was waiting for before marriage came but the moment and luck had already gone out of her hands.   Yes she got a job, Central Government job! 
“What is the secret of a successful marriage?” the answer is marrying the right person!  She used to say “Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person.  Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.”  He was the right person for her and vice versa, that is why he proposed her.  I used to think why both of them were not bold enough to unite together.  I feel guilty; I must have helped them to bond their love.  I am damn sure they would have made the perfect couple, made for each other couple of this world! As they possessed everything that is required for a happy loving married life. 

Years rolled on.  My female friend has been searching her man and living with her man’s memories and love about which she used to share with me over the phone frequently.  I wondered a lot!   How come this even after all these years?

Recently, I had to go to a bank in person officially.  One of the officials was very familiar as my friend’s man but slightly hesitant to go near and confirm it as the years had its own marking of age.  But, brushing aside my hesitance I went near him,

“You are Mr…….am I right?”

“Oh! What a pleasant surprise!  He looked at me and recognized me. 

I came to know from our conversation that he had got transferred with his family recently to this city where I live and after exchanging the basic information, his next question was,

 “Do you know anything about ‘my -----‘?  Are you in touch with ‘my ---- even now?  Please…”

My GOD!  I was astonished!  Very same words!  My -----!  As my friend says even now ‘my man’. 

“So still you have her in your heart?”

“Yes!  Of course!  How will I or how can I forget my -------?!”

“I am still in touch with her.  Shall we meet this evening in a coffee shop as I have to go to my office now?’’

We fixed a place to meet and met.  In the mean time I called my female friend and told that I saw her man and repeated her man’s words to her.  Why I repeatedly use ‘her man’ here, you know?  She would never ever say his name without ‘my’.   She was full of tears.  Happy tears?! Or tears for the lost years, the unfulfilled years? 

“My GOD!  I am still in my man’s heart as I have my man in my heart carrying all these years!!??  How lucky I am!!”

She could not talk much over the phone as she was speechless.  She said she danced in joy.  She wanted to know more about him.  I asked her to wait till evening.  She is in the North. 
Then my role started.   I met him to know his mind further.  Oh My God!  Without a contact all these years he too has the love for her afresh as she has in her. 

“Well I have to say I forgot her for a period in between these years”, he openly admitted with a sad feeling.  “But of course that was only a very very short period and still I have her in me with the same love that I had in those years”

When I conveyed the above lines of her man to her,

“Yes! It is obvious!   I know my man might have forgotten because I am the culprit right? I never expressed my love for my man but hurt him twice saying ‘let’s be good friends’ when my man expressed frankly.  So, how can I expect my man to remember me always that too when my man is having a sweet family for which I have been praying for my man all these years”?

“Of course I was a little upset when she said “let’s be good friends”.  But I was never hurt as I knew she loved me.  I could read it from her letters though she was not frank.  Yes, she is my woman! ”

Both of them had been praying for each other’s good life.  Then I posed him a question. 

“You say that she is your woman and knew that she too loved you though she did not express it frankly.  Then, as a man, why didn’t you take an initiative and a bold step to get her in your hands? My friend is a woman right?  You know?  she has been searching you all these years living with your memories and  love for you saying always ‘my man’.”

Then I explained him why she could not express her man her love and all the circumstances which were unfavourable to her then.

“Really?!  I am very lucky and very happy that ‘my-----‘ is still having the same love for me as I have for her afresh even now.  I have no words to express it.  It should be felt.  We must have been bolder and must have taken a bold decision, I agree” was the answer from her man with a big sigh.  “Due to circumstances and societal barriers, we did not discuss frankly and proceed further from both sides.”   

 “Have you both ever tried to shake hands or hold hands, or hands on shoulder or just small exchange of love, gifts etc?”

“No.  Never!  There was no chance for such happenings as you know the society at that period was not like the one as it is now.  But when I left ‘my------presented me a beautiful gift created by her that conveyed lot of meaning.  I had it for a long time cherishing the memories”

I had lot of discussions and conversations with both separately.   I never told him what his woman told and to her what her man told.  And the synchrony I found in both is literally amazing!  Both of them revealed the same words, same dialogues, same thought process, similar interests, respect for each other, ideas and devoted love as they had, years back even now.  No doubt, they are MADE FOR EACH OTHER.!

Here I would like to mention one thing.   My male friend is a good husband and an affectionate father in his family with wife and sweet children.   My female friend is also a loving mother in her family.  I am totally bewildered how it is possible to preserve, protect and cherish a deep, devoted and a sincere, genuine, unique love bond even now, having a family.

The first two cases did not bother me much as they were fixed by people, based on horoscopes and astrology without considering the minds and hearts and GOD disposed it.  The life style of the society also has its role. Well, it is understood.  But in the third case, in my friends’ case no horoscopes, no astrology or people but the two souls dwelling in genuine love. 

Even now, after all these years they have good understanding and both are still dwelling in the devoted love for each other.  I am really sad,  Why these two loving minds with single soul were not united, favoured and blessed by GOD?  So, it is well understood in life.  Man proposes and GOD disposes!?  Everything is in the WILL of GOD.  

After analyzing and deep thinking, I learn that GOD has given me a chance to help them to meet.   They must.  Even after all these years they are still dwelling in afresh love for each other.  True, genuine and devoted love will never fail.    I feel that at least now let them exchange their love, share and enjoy it.  

They are grown ups and mature enough to handle and share their love without affecting and hurting anyone, dearones around.    I think GOD too feels guilty for his disposal and now has decided to favour them to meet through me.  Other wise why should he got transferred to the city where I live and why should I go to that bank I have never gone before and why should I meet him there?
Single soul in two bodies dwelling in genuine love are/were separated and living apart!   Therefore, I feel, I must definitely help them to meet somehow. 

Readers, now tell me in which category you will place this love and life?  Whether marriages/matches are made in heaven or decided by the society and it’s barriers or the fourth definition as in the first paragraph?   Come on readers what do you say? Whether they should meet or not?  I am leaving it to you my friends.

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